As anyone with social anxiety will tell you, we as sufferers deprive ourselves of certain things in life. The first of which being human companionship. We all too often cower away from life and prefer to live with the safety and (relative) peace of mind that come with solitude. This is not a preference for many, and we often crave human company, but the reality is that we are unable to be around others, and solitude is the only reasonable option.
That's what is most painful in my opinion, wanting to be around people whilst at the same time knowing that as soon as you are with company, you're going to be nervously looking for the first opportunity to escape. And then you are going to be burdened with negative thoughts and emotions for the rest of the day, while you sit and curse yourself for leaving; or for saying the wrong thing, or for blushing, or for stumbling and bumbling... I could go on, but my point is that we will find a reason to curse ourselves one way or another.
Anyway, here's a list of things I feel are lost to Social anxiety.
Friends
Staying in contact with people regularly is a nightmare. Usually, it will get to the point that we don't contact people ourselves and instead wait for them to contact us. And even when they do, we often reject offers to go out or meet up. After so long, people tire of having to take the initiative, without any reciprocation, and you slowly stop associating with one another.
This is a big one for me, I've lost contact with so many good friends over the years that I've lost count. These range from school friends, to drinking buddies, to university friends and god knows what else. All lost because of the mental state social anxiety inspires and enforces upon us. The worst part about this is that I know I've been doing it for years, and I always mean to change my ways. I never do though!
Relationships
There's an old saying comes to mind, "If you don't love yourself, who will?". That get's me thinking... If loving yourself, makes it more likely you'll be loved, then hating yourself makes the opposite more likely. Food for thought...
Anyway, I've personally been single for years, and I suspect many SA sufferers are the same. I've not got much more to add to this point. Well, other than that it's hard enough getting through the day-to-day without the stress of dating and maintaining a relationship. There's also the problem of meeting someone who can accept your ailment. It ain't easy, capt'n!
Career
It's no secret that most SA sufferers work in jobs below their abilities. A lot of jobs nowadays require daily social interactions for hours at a time; whether it be customer service, handling calls, or simply speaking to colleagues. This is a huge problem for SA sufferers, leading to high stress, anxiety and a miserable life. With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that those going through this will seek out jobs that require less interaction, even if that means taking huge pay cuts.
In fact, I'm speaking from a position of experience here. I recently took a ~40% pay-cut to escape a high stress job where I could barely cope. There's more to life than money - although I know that's easy to say when you're above a certain threshold.
If only we had these machines that could connect to a global network so that we could work from home... maybe in another life, ey?
Fun
We miss out on a lot of fun things in life. How many gigs have you avoided? How many parties have you missed? How many meals with family/friends? How many other occasions will you refuse to attend throughout your life. It's quite sad really, we only get to live once, and we sit here alone in our pits of safety.
OK, I may have got a bit carried away there... I don't want to make it sound like too much of a Greek tragedy. I do feel we miss out on a lot & we do deprive ourselves of certain facets of life - but it's still possible to enjoy life. I personally get a lot of enjoyment from hobbies that I do alone. Things such as playing the guitar, art and even exercising can be hugely rewarding.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm not really sure where all of that came from. I just sat down and started typing without any forethought. Guess something was playing on my mind. Anyway, my conclusion is this... we are hamstrung by our ailment and it will control certain aspects of our life. It will limit us and hold us back, but it's not the end of the world. We're still breathing, we're still (somewhat) functional and in the grand scheme of things, if we're living in a developed country with fresh drinking water and a food supply, we're probably part of the lucky group.
Until next time!
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