I find that one of the main problems I have with Social anxiety at the moment, is following conversations. Keeping up with what's being said and then being able to contribute. I seem to have moments where I simply cannot digest what is being said and therefore am unable to take part in any meaningful way. I'm not sure if this is my attention span, if I'm simply to anxious to absorb what's being said, or if it's something else entirely.
A recent
experience
Today at work, we went for a team lunch. We decided to go to a pub in
the town center for a quick drink and some chicken. Strangely, I was
actually looking forward to it... even though I had the usual pre social event jitters, worries & doubts. Somehow, to some extent, I'm able to switch my mind off to these worries now, where once they
were all consuming.
A quick food picture to lighten up the post (yes, I ate all of that!):
This is partially down to two things, I believe. The first is that whenever I feel
myself worrying or obsessing over the event, I make a conscious effort
to not think about it. When an anxious thought pops into my mind, I
simply halt that thought and think nothing more of it. It may sound
like nothing, but it seems to work on some level – after some
practice, that is. The second is to imagine myself succeeding, rather
than failing. I imagine myself having fun, laughing or whatever I
deem as being successful in that particular social environment. I'm
not saying this helps when it comes to crunch time, but it certainly
helps in the lead up to the event.
Anyway, back to my original point. We were having lunch today, I was
fairly comfortable but quiet. I could live with that. After a while
though, something changed in my head, like a switch being flicked,
and I found myself outside of the conversation.
I was trying to follow the conversation, listening to what was being
said. My colleagues might as well have been speaking Swahili though. I
understood the words, but could not comprehend what was being said –
what point what being made. This made me feel massively uncomfortable
and I had to dash off to the toilet to compose myself.
This is not new to me. When it happens I feel as though my head is
completely empty, I find myself just staring at people as they talk.
Their words don't register and as such I'm unable to find a response.
I miss social cues, such as when to laugh, or respond. I fidget
around awkwardly. I'm, unable to maintain eye-contact. All the time,
I'm aware that this is happening, and try to make a conscious effort
to listen, but it's impossible. I've noticed that It get's worse when
it's a group conversation, since I feel others are aware that I'm not
listening, and are aware that I'm highly uncomfortable and suddenly,
in my mind, all eyes are on me.
It's my opinion that this happens due to being either highly
anxious, or highly self-conscious. I'm either too anxious to take on
any information, or I'm so self-conscious at the time, that my focus
is elsewhere, even when I make a conscious effort to listen. Either
way it's tough to overcome. The only coping strategy I can think of,
is to briefly escape the situation, collect myself and then return in
a hopefully, more receptive state.
I've had mixed luck with this, sometimes returning more composed and
relaxed, sometimes returning in the exact same state. At least I had
a break from the awkwardness though, right!?
If you've experienced anything similar to this, I'd love to hear from
you, just leave a comment and I'll be in touch. I'd be particularly
interested to hear if you have any coping mechanisms of your own. I'm also particularly interested to hear your thoughts on our ability to listen to what is being said, to follow conversations and how much this contributes to social anxiety.
Anyway, all things said, with the exception of a few minutes, the
lunch went well. As I'm writing this, I'm actively resisting the urge to have the
bog-standard social-anxiety response of dwelling on the negatives; convincing myself that it was some sort of disaster. I went to a pub,
had lunch, had a conversation, got slightly anxious and then returned
to work. What;s the big deal?
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