I often find myself asking the question, "Does social anxiety get better or worse with age?", or "does social anxiety go away by itself?" and have yet to come to a solid conclusion. Although my gut feeling is that it gets better as we age. As we get older we care less and less about what people think of us, and this seems to take some of the pressure off us in social situations.
Having said that, I've been struggling in some social situations lately, and have found myself wondering if I'm actually getting worse. For me, it's really hard to say, since during my younger years I dealt with SA by plowing alcohol into my system before, during and after every major social event. In other words, I don't have a lot of comparison points. I guess the positive to this is that I'm now putting myself out there more often than I once did, so perhaps I'm just being negative, when in fact this backs up the idea that we do in fact get over SA as we age (albeit not entirely).
Past experiences!
When I sit and dwell on the past it brings up some uncomfortable memories, some which I'd rather forget. For me though, it's the only way to to answer the question.
Since my anxiety is worst when I'm at work I've been trying to remember some of my most embarrassing situations from my work history. One situation particularly comes to mind... A work colleague was leaving, it was her final day. I was finishing work early that day and by 3pm it was time to say my goodbyes - always going to be awkward. Unfortunately, at the time I worked in a cramped office space and there was around 10-12 people in close vicinity. This was like a nightmare scenario to me at the time, a quiet office with lots of people, a non standard social situation and to top it all off I had been dwelling on it since the start of the day. Anyway, I eventually got the courage together to get off my seat and say my goodbyes.
It didn't go well - at all. I started mumbling, blushing and stumbling on my words. At this point I was freaking out, and noticed everyone had their eyes on me. It was so awkward that the whole office had pretty much stopped what they were doing and were listening in. Eventually I just stopped talking and walked out of the office. Nightmare!
Needless, to say I got in that night, went straight to bed and lay there with the quilt over my head. I can almost remember the way I felt that night, and it was pretty bad. Shame, dread, self-disgust. And the worst part was I knew I had to go back into the office the next day and face everyone.
When I compare that experience to how I feel and act at work now - in a similar situation - there is a stark difference. One which I hadn't really acknowledged until I made a conscious decision to sit and make this comparison. I'm still a bit awkward for sure, but not on the same level, and I'm no where near as hard on myself. I'm definitely making progress, and perhaps this is due to aging. Who knows.
One thing I do know though, and I'll make this brief. Alcohol doesn't help with social anxiety. It masks your symptoms for sure. But the charade can only go on for so long, eventually hangovers get too much, or you end up in situations where alcohol is not appropriate.
If you're using alcohol as a crutch right now, my advice is try to stop as soon as possible. You'll end up in more awkward situations, yes, but perhaps you'll eventually learn from them. With alcohol, you certainly will not. I'm basing all of this on anecdotal evidence of course, so take from it what you will.
Thanks for reading.
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